Long time, no post

I don't really feel like a long winded post to cover all the events I've neglected to post. Suffice to say, I'm in one of those lulls between crushes again.

Yep. That one's over. But still, its never really over, is it?

./slightly depressed, with a twinge of loneliness...

Grandmother died this morning.

My emotions are battering the gates to the fortress of my mind. I must repulse them. They shall not enter.

The pain of the unknown stabs at me. I bear it, knowing full well that I might yet have a chance. And yet, I know that if these winds cause my vessel to capsize, I may never recover.

Sonuva bitch, I can't smile...

Oh yeah, Leslie hates me right now. Damn.

Quick Random Poetry

I speak to you from far away
Yet I make no sound
When you reply, I am warmed
And feel comfort, joy

We speak and sing of strange things
Yet one thing is consistent
I cannot wrest my mind from you
And so my mind is absent

And now the clock strikes twelve
And separate we must
But I shall see you soon
And in this faith I trust

Prom

So, prom night...

1815: Arrived at Parc 55 Hotel

1820: Made contact with Diana. She wasn't ready yet, so I went down to the lobby

1900: Arrival of a group of people I was familiar with. Began doing some recon. Located ballroom and picture taking area. And bathrooms

1915-1950: Hung around. Met some friends, some acquaintances, some new guys.

1950: Rendevous with Diana at her friends' room

2000: Pictures

2010-2130: Walk around, talk with friends, take pictures with our cams.

2130: First slow song, "I'm Yours", then "Truly Madly Deeply" right after. Slow danced entire time with Diana.

2140-2230: More walking. More pics

2230-2315: Split up for a bit. Diana goes to dance with friends. I walk around, talk with people I know.

2315: Third slow song. More dancing

2320: Split up again

2330: "Dirty Little Secrets" plays. Rock out.

2345-0000: Last three songs, slow dance-ish till the end.

0005: Hug and split up. She goes up, I go down

0007-0015: Hit the bar in lobby for pepsi.

0030: Ride arrives. Leave.


Highlights:
-The dancing
-She calling me "weird" and "insane"
-The dancing
-Again, the dancing
-The fedora

Lowlights:
-The freaking in the back of the stage (Thank the spirits it was so dark back there)
-Again, the freaking
-Once more, the freaking
-The nagging fear that I screwed up
-Lack of good topics for conversation ( My years of ignoring pop culture is coming back to bite me. Hard.)
-The end.

The rest of the Raiders say I should have kissed her on the cheek for goodnight. I think that's taking it a bit too far. I don't know...Everything is still so new to me. I feel like I finally just might have a connection to someone, but I fear going forward. What the hell am I supposed to do?

The way John's been talking to me, which is to go all out and be aggressive, seems too extreme. I don't want to push her away with arrogance and overconfidence, but I don't want to let her slip away with aloofness and a lack of courage. This is all going to my head.

I just wish that I could read the signs better. I wish I knew what to do. I wish I could make this right. Just being friends is good enough for me. Any further would be counted as a gift from the spirits.

Well, life's been smooth lately. The demons inside me try to break out, but I can cage them. Still working on a cure, but it might be closer than I think.

Anyhow, couple updates:

School Board Meeting, 24th-ish. The bastards tried to table the resolution to save RO, but we stuck to our guns and got a really late night's sleep. Caring about students my ass, they just want to roll with the "progressives"

Today, Assembly Education Committee meeting on AB 223 and AB 351. When we left, 223, the one to force SFUSD to keep RO was held back for passing for the moment, but 351, the one for PE credit, was passed. Now we wait.

I have to say thought, Tom Ammiano is a real bitch. That, and the adults who were rallying against a program supported by TEENS.

FOR THE LOVE OF FRAKKIN' CTHULHU, WHEN THE HELL WILL THEY ACTUALLY COME AND SEE OUR SIDE?

That's the BIGGEST, and maybe ONLY reason I hate those people. Its one thing to argue for a peace based curriculum that doesn't discriminate, but its another when you don't practice what you preach and discriminate against us just because we march and wear uniforms.

Okay, I guess that fills up my ranting for today. Next up, love life time!

Alright, so I asked Diana to Junior Prom. Asked her in the choir room, with a pink rose (granted, the first outer ring of petals were wilted, but hey, I had to keep it overnight, so it kept pretty well), and Phelan, Jarrett, and Spam looking on. I barely choked out the word "Prom?" with what may have been a desperate look in my eyes.

She said she'd think about it. I walked away with a stone in my stomach. I had been there and done that with Jane in sophmore year. I was expecting the worst.

On Friday, I was returning from teh attendance office when I encountered her and her friend walking down teh hallway. I walked a bit ahead, did an about-face and waved with my typical "Yo", to which she said "Hi".

Went into the Range to meet up with my company. They were gone. Went to the classroom via the corridor. She was waiting outside, with her friend.

Told me that she was willing to go as friends. I said "Cool". Everything else was easily forgettable.

After that, I kept getting congratulated by everybody, especially Leslie, who came to visit. I didn't hear any of it. Only one word circled through my mind.

YES.

Well, now comes the hard part.

Video Game Hiatus

Okay, this is it. I've sworn an oath on Honor to not play any video games until the end of the school year. The oath is still subject the the three exceptions of small oaths: life or death (highly unlikely), if a very significant other wants to (also highly unlikely), and last-chance-ever (again, highly unlikely)

I'll try to keep an update of how I fare.

Well, I'm sitting here waiting for my hair to dry, so why not post on my blog?

Got my wisdom teeth pulled out last Monday. The operation was a breeze-painkillers injected into my mouth killed off any pain I might've felt. It was mainly pressure, especially when the doc used a hammer and chisel to knock out the lower ones. But for the rest of the day-and two days therafter- I could not eat, and whenever I tried to swallow saliva, it was as if I was swallowing shards of glass. Might as well make it burning glass, just to exercise hyperbole.

Anyways, now I have a huge problem with food trapped between my gums and my cheek. That, and the residual flesh hanging from the sides of my mouth isn't very pleasant either. Oh well.

Anyways, I screwed up majorly on my first part of my Chinese final. Meh. I did better on my precalc practice final today. I love multiple choice.

Diana logged onto AIM about 25 minutes ago, and logged off when I was taking a shower. Once again, fear kept me back from even attempting to make contact. Would acquiring her sn without her knowing freak her out? Would I type the wrong things? Would I act like a complete jackass ans serve to alienate her completely?

I don't know. And at the rate I'm doing things, I don't think I will know.

*sigh*. Love is for the weak of heart. That said, I'm plenty weak right now.